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to the bleeding nation

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You are not alone.

to those of you alone at night, I am here for you

to those of you who got raped last night, I am here for you

gone are the days of keeping quiet

hurt? pain? we all the same.

I urge you, come. You are not alone.

We are the bleeding nation, forgotten to some.

Imxge

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Society – beautiful but flawed

Society – beautiful but flawed

We conquered segregation

and became an integration

We accepted that there will always be

Jews, Hebrews and Christians

and that didn’t make us any different.

The Cold War made us indifferent

but as society we made it through

because that’s the gist of things

Move with time or get left behind

because though it’s an illusion its no

roundabout for it has your life straightly aligned.

Industrialization became a thing

gave birth to Urbanization and now we can start the foreshadowing:

Who would’ve known that there

would be a division; rich and poor

The rich spend their Saturdays at 

amusement parks whilst the poor

are scared of the dark

We moved from segregation to integration to back again segregation, only difference is this time we doing it to ourselves

Society – beautiful but flawed.

I didn’t mean to point it out 

but the place of developing skills and humanity has turned into a cemetery

RIP Lizzie; we didn’t mean to laugh at your empty lunchbox, we didn’t know you’d go hang yourself, it’s bad enough that your mom is sick and your dad just died

RIP Mrs Dunhill; you will forever be remembered. Geography will never be the same without you but just to warn everyone; no one touches my phone and tells me what to do or else you might just also end up with a knife wound

RIP uniqueness; I now pronounce you dead and abolished, standing out has no place here, we shall now conform because that’s the only way to survive

RIP dignity; I lost you when that boy searched under my skirt, I hope he found that gold he was looking for because I keep looking for it every time they undress me

RIP hope; I thought I could build you here but now I understand why they laughed. They took you from me whilst I wasn’t looking, crushed it they did and left me with nothing.

We raising children who think the world is a wish granting factory

“My clothes are not too hip”

“My nose is too big”

“My face is too round”

“My parents are always in my face!”

“God can you pretty please make them go away?”

Unfortunately your wish is…. uhmm how can I say this

Unsatisfactory.

“Hi, my name is Andrew, can I play with you?”

“You caught my attention sitting alone”

“Is that a new tattoo?”

“I have a new tattoo too”

“its kind of a mess”

“I was inspired by my dad beating my mom”

“I couldn’t cut the screaming out so the razor got me obsessed”

“Hey, I forgot to mention, I have anxiety too.”

Every night before I go to sleep

I sneak into the kitchen whilst everyone is asleep

I then start remembering all the good times and beg myself to stay

I walk into the room in time to hear the beep

Today unfortunately I am not ready to go but someday I know

I’ll try again…

Imxge

Conformity: the biggest obstacle in life

The Thinker Of Tender Thoughts by Silverstein

Conformity: compliance with standards, rules or laws

There are two types of people on this earth: conformers & non-conformers. Which one you fall under is not really your choice instead it is the circumstance which you grow up in that serves as a determining factor. Industrialization lead to urbanization which eventually lead into living in a functional suitable society full of hope and dreams. The word “society” is probably the deadliest word in the dictionary in addition to “kill” and “murder”.

Society kills

Society shames

Society pretty much works to end the human race which is safe enough to say that we are committing suicide because society isn’t just society just because……

We make society.

I had a conversation with an old man and he said and I quote “Do not live to be too unique because if you too unique then you are out of order – you do not conform.” And he drew what I presumed to be a rectangle and pointed to his left side and said “That’s where you should be, on the left side of the bar.”

The Conformity Bar

I was not hurt by that instead I had the biggest smile on my face which can either come from two sources: 1. I am trying to understand how such pure ignorance exists or 2. I legit thought  he was gonna say: “I got you! I was just joking.” But just as you know, the world is not a wish granting factory and it just turned out that this man’s brain is made of pure ignorance. I cannot help but think why do we conform? A grown man, probably around his 50’s just said to summarize his whole paragraph: ‘In life you must live to conform otherwise there is something wrong with you.’ Well I honestly do not blame him like I said in the beginning of this post: 
“There are two types of people on this earth: conformers & non-conformers. Which one you fall under is not really your choice instead it is the circumstance which you grow up in that serves as a determining factor.”

We often here that parents mold their children but sometimes I wonder if parents are the best qualified to mold their children. Yes of course parents create the bridge between right and wrong but parents are guilty of omission which is lying but in a much prettier context. They omit great life lessons which they deem useless but once their child goes out “experimenting” they are disgusted by the new discoveries of their child and who do they blame? They blame their friends, they keep the children away from their friends. They go through extremes  to uproot their children from this “bad” company but if you study this scenario carefully, the only reason why these friends are called “bad” is because they chose to be informational, they chose not to omit, they chose to share; what the parents weren’t willing to share. And I ask you again who is to blame?

As we have evolved, generations came and went, generations changed from millennial to post-millennial but the principles of parenting in most cases never seem to change. That’s a scary fact. Think about it though; whilst some people are moving forward there are quite a number of us getting left behind and I am not speaking about the “not getting in with the times” left behind but the “ignorance” kind of left behind. It’s almost like we living in an age of grown ups wishing that time slows down because what lies ahead is far beyond their mental capacity, yes there’s more crime, violence and corruption but I am talking about accepting a new perspective.

I once had a friend who used to paint and hang up her paintings for everyone to see in her house, she used to draw anything from a stick, to a brick, to a dustbin. I did an experiment at some point in my life just to prove a point. I took her drawing of a small and conspicuous rose petal and hid it and she discovered within a few days that her painting was missing so she decided to draw another one but she couldn’t find that one specific petal which she was looking for and ironically she had an amazing garden with 25 different types of roses which really created a perfect painting and I asked: “Why don’t you just paint your whole backyard?” And she said and I quote: “No, I am used to painting one thing and I won’t be able to change my routine because I don’t know how it’ll turn out.” So the next day she went to the nursery, bought the same rose bush, planted it in the same place, took the same rose petal and began painting it using the same exact colors and in the end it looked exactly like the painting I hid. Lesson of the story: In life we are given countless opportunities to try something new,to give some of the wondrous things on this earth a chance but instead we decide to go through extremes to stick to the same routine because we don’t know what lies ahead and we not willing to find out.

Conformity: the art of accepting that something is just is because something is just is.

Is it possible that we conform because we don’t know what may lay ahead of us if we just decided to pave our own roads?

As people we are different – we have different perspectives which have been shaped with time, we like different colors, we prefer different TV shows – I get that and all. – but what I don’t understand is why crucify those who don’t do what we do or think like we do. I mean who said coloring in outside the lines is ugly? Who said staying in the lines is the correct way to color in a picture? I’d really like to find the book where all rules which govern life is because I have to give it to the author, he/she has done an amazing job trying to keep everyone in place; the extent of this great job is that you have allowed this 50 year old man to associate something as precious as an individuals own uniqueness as an out of order sign. You have allowed these guardians to kill their child’s creativeness and replaced it with a system deemed fit by you, its amazing how much trust we have in a system of rules that literally came out of nowhere.

Dear Non – Conformers

You are not alone

to those feeling abolished and shamed at night. I am here for you

to those of you readying yourselves to conform, I am here for you

They hurt us, they call us names, we all are the same

This journey is not for everyone, it’s not an easy one either

I urge you all, come. You are not alone in this journey

They are the bleeding nation, forgotten by us.

The Conformity Bar

Imxge

The Unknowing Great

Human beings are really interesting to observe. I actually think being “Human” is an actual entertainment itself. Have you ever just sat down and took time to witness everything that goes on around you? Like how we instinctively cross the road when we see someone wearing rags approach us or how we’d rather focus on getting our boss a new plasma TV but spend little to no time discussing the company’s new approach to help fund the orphanage down the road or how we don’t mind holding the door open especially for someone whose at the top of the hierarchy but for someone who is just above bench warmer we pretend we didn’t even see that they were about to walk through the same door we just came through. I mean we would run home and tell our families that we actually held the door open for Bill Gates but we’d never be so enthusiastic about it God forbid even mention it if we held the door open for the janitor. We seem not to know how to prioritize and getting everything done on your to-do list doesn’t count, I actually mean prioritizing as: Knowing the difference between important and not important. We are human beings who think twice before donating to charity and use the “sorry I don’t have money today, can I come back tomorrow?” excuse but you just on your way to buying a car worth 2 million. Do we do that because we are really going to come back and donate tomorrow or, is it because the car seems more indulging than helping a child with flies around his mouth. Prioritizing: Putting what’s important first before things that indulge you or others. It’s funny how we are human beings who would  rather surround ourselves with people who “have”  than people who  don’t “have” but ironically we don’t “have” anything ourselves. We are human beings who would rather help the inspired inspire themselves even more rather than focusing on ourselves that need a little bit of inspiration just because we are hoping that somehow that person we helped doesn’t forget that we helped them along the way. When did we start showing acts of kindness based on circumstances? I thought kindness is a drop from heaven that everyone in God’s grace should have. I don’t think I have stressed enough on how it’s the little things that matter. We seem very oblivious to the virtues that we should show such as compassion, honesty, respect and grace instead it’s the incentives that we care about. Almost like how we rush to tell our families that we have donated to charity and expect a “Wow! Really! That’s so cool! I am so proud of you!” Just in order for us to do it again. Why can’t we just donate to charity without the validation and praise from others? We need to stop using acts of selflessness as a path to self – indulgence.  

Last week my friend and I were walking on a street and we saw a beggar who had bags under her eyes and looked just above underfed, she had a baby in her arms and next to her was a girl no older than I wearing rags with her feet bare. A speeding women in an AMG C Class parks her car in front of us wearing a rich shade of red lipstick, her Iphone buzzing in her one hand and fiddling with a couple of notes trying to single out the coins in her other hand, she climbed out of her car and saw the beggar looking at her with a frozen stare, the woman glared at the beggar and turned on her heels in the direction of the supermarket whilst a few laboring men who were busying themselves with cement wandered past and the women asked them for money and they gave her the little they had and went on with what they were busy with, a realization dawned onto me that moment. I realized that the rich in this area are locals but they are alien to the beggar woman who comes from a completely different walk of life; different walk of life meaning one of them knows how it feels to sleep on an empty stomach whilst the other knows how it feels to stare at the menu and have a variety of choices staring back at her. The irony in this encounter is in that those who can help like the rich lady turn away from this duty and disregard the needy, they are cold and insensitive to the needs of the poor in their midst and refuse to help them. The beggar feels that the rich are disturbing and different whilst the laboring men identify with the needs of the beggar and her family hence it was so easy for her to ask them for money instead of the rich women. The poor woman and her child rely on the little donations in order to survive. For them a small contribution is life-changing. The generous laboring men who help them do not understand the extent of their generosity and are seen as the “unknowing great” and that’s what we as mere mortals should strive for, we need to be empathetic and sympathetic not because helping someone in need makes us feel good, that’s just called self-indulgence but help because we can identify with the people in need and we would do for them because they would do the same for us.

Suicide – last resort or best?

Suicide – last resort or best? No pun intended.

Last resort

Why would anyone want to commit suicide besides the obvious: depression, anxiety, pain? Studies have shown that 89,99% of the people who have had suicide attempts or have committed suicide are people who have “made it” in life. That’s not quite right, is it? Think about it though, how likely is it to hear about someone who lives under a bridge that has committed suicide – its always those who have money, the famous, the extravagant, the suc-cess-ful……..

Why would anyone who lives in a 4 story mansion want to commit suicide? Aren’t they happy? We ask, “His a multi millionaire, why would he hang himself?” We say “But Nicole was so happy on her wedding day, why would she want to commit suicide?” And that’s where we go wrong. We confuse moments of Happiness with Joy, we confuse Happiness with Fulfillment. Most of the people who have committed suicide are pretty well off in life; they can afford to decide right now to go on a vacation off the coast somewhere, they may have multi million trust funds, and they also might have worked their asses off to get to where they are right now so why would they commit suicide? Money and fame makes you comfortable not happy.  Money and fame brings moments of happiness; happiness is fleetingly but joy is permanent. We confuse the most significant things and call them insignificant and by the time we realize that, its already too late and we are left feeling lonely, depressed and scared.  How did you feel when someone asked you about your day? It felt great, didn’t it? – No it did not……. because we take the little significant things and we mistaken them for insignificant things but if you can think deeply right now to how it felt being asked about your day. You feel joy. You feel fulfilled, because at that current moment in time the only person who mattered was you. It’s not about the money. Money makes you comfortable not happy even though you’d rather cry in a Lamborghini than a bicycle. You could be locked up in a room with the amount of money you’ve always dreamed off and guess what? You still wouldn’t be happy because whats the purpose of being locked up with money? It doesn’t fulfill you. Yes, it makes you happy for as long as you would want to remain happy but it wouldn’t give you joy. It’s the accumulation of all those little significant things that fulfill you – not money and fame. Happiness. Joy. Happiness is fleetingly but Joy is permanent; never confuse the two. We treat fulfillment like a scavenger hunt, like its something you wake up one day very determined to find. But truth is, its right there: taking you to school everyday, telling you that you special everyday, cooking for you everyday, asking you how your day was. You just have to open your eyes to see it.

Best resort

It’s sad to say that suicide is the best resort even though some have never lived to experience it. It’s amazing to see how one’s awareness just suddenly flares up soon after someone has decided to commit suicide. Our society goes from posting headliners on Keeping Up With The Kardashians to “Suicide Awareness Week #tell somebody you love them” Why can’t you tell somebody you love them everyday? We go from “Wow Jessica, Tony’s party was epic!! Going out with him was the greatest thing ever!” to “RIP Tony, you meant so much to me, you have really made an impact in my life” but you only just spoke to the guy yesterday after ignoring him for a whole year.

Why does someone need to die first in order for Suicide to get the attention it deserves? Why do we start posting pictures and talking about the “good times” only once someone has died? Do the “good times” not exist when the person is still alive? Why do we start believing that someone needs help after they have attempted suicide?  Why do we reach out only then? Isn’t a cry for help enough for us? Constant headaches? Bruises? Isolation? Why do we wait for the very last minute to help someone in need? People who commit suicide are not selfish. It is us who lack empathy who are selfish. All of the sudden people bombard you with the same question they have asked 10 times, they ask: “Are you okay!?” “Do you need anything!?” as if you didn’t need anything before you attempted suicide. Strange world this is. I don’t fault those who avoid naming suicide. Instead I fault society for teaching us to treat suicide as this unspeakable thing, for teaching us to treat suicidal thoughts as a deadly sin – that if you have suicidal thoughts, you have stripped away your very purpose of being a human being. I just find it ironic that we act surprised and shook when someone commits suicide yet we are the ones who treat it as an unspeakable deadly sin.IMG-20181112-WA0000

Suicide – last resort or best? No pun intended.

Change favors the prepared.

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Image from https://img.clipartxtras.com/255847d17f788c4b289039fab7_flower-blooming-drawing-flower-progressionsteverowlatt-on-blooming-drawings_1024-529.jpeg

Change can often be a difficult thing for everyone to accept. No matter how big or small, sadly some of us fear it. The worry in change can be seen evidently in that one friend whose unsure of his future after high school, or whenever you go to your favorite restaurant and the waiter gives you the menu and you stumble when asked what to eat, only to order the same thing you ordered the last ten times. Change is foreign to the nature of human beings, its foreign because its sudden, its scary, you never really ready for it. Consider all the changes in a person’s life: a person is born a small baby, they live and grow, then one day become old and decrepit, and they ultimately die. It is the natural order of things, but no one wants to get old, suffer and die. So naturally, people do things to resist this big change, only to finally come to terms that they – like all living things – must wither away into a state of nothingness.

People willingly and deliberately do things to go against the very grain of aging, such as avoiding unhealthy lifestyle choices, like sleeping too little, eating unhealthy foods, smoking, drinking too often, and stressing too often. They think they can avoid the inevitable if they just try hard enough, though this mentality is just a distraction from dying and death itself. People get plastic surgery in order to convince themselves that they are further away from old age and death than they actually are. But avoiding the natural changes of life only adds more suffering, creating a deep feeling that one is not being true to themselves and not living according to the natural order of the world. This, in turn, creates inner turmoil, as their resistance to change does more harm than good. Nonetheless, people are against this – as Humanity as a whole is once again resistant to change.

The difference in how each person decides to handle change is quite intriguing. Some like to walk her to the door and give her a kiss goodnight, some even refuse to accept that it is happening, and some don’t even bother showing up; I used to be one of those people, sending an email that says: “I just can’t make it today Change, maybe try again some other day later.”

Many a times you hear of someone who has “gone back to their old ways” “gone back to their old ways” what does that even mean? We have all heard of those “MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION IS…..” type of people but the question is how many of those resolutions have you actually accomplished? We say: “Tomorrow I’m going to change this about myself.”, we say: “Its time for change!” We speak so much about change as if its something we can just find laying around somewhere. I find it ironic that we speak so much about something that we fear.

Change favors the prepared.

We often hear of speaking something into existence and that’s the first mistake we make, that makes change seem like a distant journey that can never be accomplished – we don’t speak the things we say we’ll do into existence, we leave them to float around in our minds and eventually we forget them, only to, 2 weeks later be reminded of them. Change is continuous. Change is constant, you implement it today, you need to implement it tomorrow otherwise you’ll forget. That’s the nature of human beings, we forgetful of things even when we know they’ll benefit us hence they told us when we were kids to write down any goal we have and look at it everyday because then your mind instinctively works towards it because you can actually see the end goal – much like a marathon runner, who pushes themselves harder than ever even when they can’t see the finish line but just because of the fact that it is engraved into their minds, they need to keep pushing forward. Just as much as we like tangible things, if we don’t see it we won’t believe it hence we ought to write down every goal we have.

Another factor that pushes us further back down is the fear of failure. We are so narrow minded that the possibility of failing seems so inevitable to us. That’s the effect of living in a world of instant gratification, if we don’t get it right the first time then we think there’s something wrong with us. We need to start accepting failure, imagine if we all got something right at the very first attempt? Where’s the growth in that? We need to understand that growth comes through failure. Failure isn’t meant to bring us down, failure is meant to test our endurance, perseverance and faith.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

Don’t Doubt Yourself.

 

As cliche as this might sound but your mindset is literally the only thing getting in between what is and what could be.

Many of us think that financial circumstances, family issues, the past, social issues are the reasons why we still are at the exact same place that we started out this year but that’s not true. Simon Sinek said: “There are two types of people in this world, there are people who see the thing which they want and there are people who only see the thing standing in the way of what they want.” same way as the phrase “is the glass half – full or half – empty?” Perception is unique to every individual and is simply one’s interpretation of reality but who said perception can’t be shaped and changed for the better? I myself use to/still do fall under the people who say “the glass is half-empty.” No one is ever a pessimist at heart, its the challenges that we go through which shape our mindset and affect the next decision which we will make.

Self – doubt: “lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities.”

My anxiety has two sources self doubt and the fear of not being enough which is really just a continuation of self doubt. Two weeks ago my teacher told me something which till this day hurts me, she said the only thing that stands between me and reaching my fullest potential is my self doubt. Which posed a question to me: If it wasn’t for my self doubt which till this day I still habour, where would I be? 

Doubt is the biggest and longest obstacle which you will ever encounter because it comes in different forms, it comes as: the smallest pimple between your eyebrows, the day before your final year exam, the multiple choice question which only counts 1 mark out of the 150 marks you still need to accumulate, it comes as the “PIN DECLINED!” at the teller after waiting 10 minutes to be called, the few minutes after publishing your new post and it comes in form of staring at your open wardrobe not knowing which shirt best matches your friends jeans. Doubt will make the smallest most insignificant things seem life threatening and life changing. The more you doubt; the more it becomes a natural habit; the more you subconsciously instill a subtle fear in you which you never thought you had until you are confronted by your biggest fear and doubt looks back at you in the mirror and says “you can’t.” Or it seeps into your already thoroughly prepared state of mind during a test and tells you “but x can also be this value”. If you have conquered doubt, you are one of the few.

Doubt corrupts, conquers then kills the mind or at least whats left of it once it has manifested in you. We need to learn to be content. We need to learn how to beat this virus called Self doubt. We need to learn how to be enough for ourselves first before we can even think of being enough for others. Remember, that what is enough for you might never be enough for the next person; as long as its enough for you then that’s all that matters.

 

Ignorance is not bliss.

Ignorance is bliss: “if one is unaware of an unpleasant fact or situation one cannot be troubled by it.”

This proverb is too overrated in my opinion, instead of it being used to sound smart in English creative essays, it used as an excuse on a daily basis.

Why do we as humans use a thousand not-so-well-thought-out excuses to hide the flaw of not knowing?

It is okay not to be informed about everything, what is not okay is the fact that we lie and use excuses such as “I’m not interested” as a reason for not being informed.

We become offended when we are being called ignorant but it’s about time we come to terms and accept the fact that we are ignorant. We live in a world of instant gratification,  everything and anything is handed to us on a silver platter; all we need to to is reach out and grab it. Simon Sinek said it himself “if we want a date, swipe left, if you want to watch a movie; just go online and its there, you don’t need to wait anymore.” Gone are the days of carrying 5 Encyclopedias home because of tomorrows history research that is due, all you need to do is type: CAUSES OF THE COLD WAR, and already 50 websites have already graced you with information which you don’t even double check because apparently Wikipedia is more reliable than an actual book. With all of this stated, I still fail to understand why do we live in a society that is clueless, focusing on something that 101% of the time doesn’t affect the current state in which we live in.

I had a conversation with one of my closest friends and he said and I quote: “You will only want to be informed in something which you have a passion and interest in.” and I thought, maybe that’s the answer, we only want to be informed in something that we have an interest in. Well if that’s the case we are doomed, because most of the current generation only has interests in shoes and the latest parties. Nonsense. I say we can have an intense enthusiasm towards something and still broaden our minds at the same time, we as human beings are that complex. I mean look at what we have done to the world?

Ignorance is a choice, not a character trait.

truth – simple but blunt.

I am Black

Feminist.

No one plays the race card anymore – at least not directly, but gone are the days of racism, a new challenge has awoken and its called Being Black.

“Black” is no more a race, a color of smoke or the burnt tar underneath our feet but it is  personality. Many a times I have heard stop being “Black” as if being “Black” is something you can just switch off before you go to sleep instead of it just being a simple color.

This is what society has done.

Stop being white…… that doesn’t sound quite right does it?

Lets try again

Stop being black….. quite familiar isn’t it?

Dear Black Society

It hurts me deeply to say, you are the cause of all this.

what happened to we are all brothers and sisters? what happened to we are all united because we have suffered the same fate?

What happened to the proud feeling of saying: “Yes, I am black, it is the color of my skin!” 

where did we go wrong?

We name and shame, we support those who impose on the weak because we don’t want to be at the bottom of the food chain, we riot unnecessarily and when fatalities do happen we are quick to blame but let me tell you there’s no smoke without fire.

what happened to the peace? what happened to us?

Were we freed to become our own slaves?

Nelson Mandela? Olivier Tambo? Chris Hani? Did they all sacrifice their lives for where we are right now?

would they be proud.

Are you proud?

Imxge